016.

Yesterday was decent. I had to try and pull myself up and not let that bored feeling creep over me and I think I was pretty successful. I drove up to Philly way too early and ended up just walking like 70+ blocks all day, getting lunch and sitting on some curb in the sun, and naping/laying around/reading in Rittenhouse and then Logan Square. Finally I ended up going back to South Philly and right when I walked up to Ava House Stacy and Brittany had just gotten there too so I looked like an idiot and screamed Stacy's name and ran after them, we saw Two Funerals and Snowing and walked around a bit. P.S. Eliot played, we danced, and other than the fact that I was annoyed with the people in front of my not moving around whatsoever..it was still nice to see a band who's album has been one of the only things I've been listening to the past few months.

I swear I always lose those talks. We both know each other, even if I tell myself otherwise. I'm so sad about this situation that I keep letting my thoughts wander. I still think it's partially okay since I have no way of knowing how he feels (however now I think I do, and I should probably stop questioning it) or what's ok and what's not or really how to go about anything. But I have to stop being stupid, I'm just making things worse. Whatever happens in the future is out of my hands..which I've said about a billion times now but I think it's all just because I miss him.
Constant contact to none at all, it's a noticeable absence.
Especially when it's someone you care about and get along with.
As much as it's easier being mad, that also tends to just ruin good things.

Yesterday was the first time I've seen/hung out with Brittany in months that I missed my friend a little bit. The three of us had some really, really fun times. Beach trips, Punk Rock Flea Market weekends, Andrew Jackson Jihad, sleepovers and laughing hysterically at 3 am in Brittany's basement about tape even if now we can't remember why it was funny at all, climbing on roofs on main st last 4th of July, house shows in Baltimore. However I don't think it matters anymore. Some friendships just fade. I RARELY let that happen, but sometimes you have no control over it.

Speaking of that, I texted Kellie a few nights ago. I miss her so much. I apologized, said I'd pay her back for her trip she couldn't go on one day, and told her I missed her. No reply. I seriously can't believe we're going to let go of an almost 9 year friendship because I got evicted from my apartment and couldn't have her come visit. She's the only person in the world that is probably my completely opposite who I need around, who despite all that, I can still talk to and trust and understand and get along with. Her home is a home to me. I'll try once more whenever the next time I'm in Arizona is if I never hear from her. I don't think she could ignore me if I was in the same state/town as her.