019.

Everything in my life currently feels like a waiting game right now. I feel like I can learn to deal with it but I'm not sure how to start. At some point things are going to get amazing and fast paced once again, summer summer summer.

My mom called me tonight, and once again is changing the plans for the California trip. I needed it. I need to get out of here for a little while, and now that escape is dead and I'm not sure what to do with myself for the rest of March, then April...

Summer is showing so mucuh promise though. And the nights I can spend with my friends are reminding me how fun I can be and have and why these kids are my home.
Saturday night in New Jersey with Joanna, Ashley, and Lizzy was a night filled with laughter and too many inside jokes. Sunday I sat around Main St all day with Melissa and I swear to god..I wouldn't be alive right now if that girl and me weren't back in each others lives. She means so much these days. Tonight I went out to dinner/hung out for awhile with Joanna, Garrett, and Kyle. I strangely miss how close Kyle and I started to get last fall. It was nice that he pursued seeing me before I was going to be gone for a few weeks, even if I won't necessarily be for a little while now. And I'm also realizing lately just how close Garrett and me really are. He truly is one of my closest, best friends. EVEN IF HE DIDN'T KNOW MY BIRTHDAY. However after harrassing him about taking me on tour in June, I kind of got it out of him that I'm going and that I can pretty much safely say I'll forever be on tour with Cut Short anytime they leave. As if they had a choice anyways... :)

No matter how lost I feel, how I have no idea what to do with myself or my life, at least I can rely on the one fact that weird shit and connections and coincidences will never cease to exist in my life. Melissa and me were just talking yesterday about how if you have a weird story or something strange happen to you, I can sit there and be able to one up you no matter what. Just this week and seeing Kyle at the same random Wawa at 3 am, "the balls in your court"..I'll never understand my wn life, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I cut my hair. Kind of an in between of the two styles I've been thinking about for months. I didn't REALLY cut it, I would never lose the length. Just cut the left side realllll short in the front. Uppin da punx 4evr. Sometimes I get urges to do crazy things, this was one of those times. Luckily, I love it. I've been needing changes.

I just want summer. So many plans are shaping up.
May: Toby in Philly, Vermont, Rad Fest in NC, Converge, Crucial Fun Fest in KY, Boston
June: Defiance, Ohio in Philly, Tour, Berea Fest in OH
July: MY BIRTHDAYYY..this is also probably the month I'll just jump on a train and end up anywhere. Little Rock, Portland, Knoxville, who knows..
August: This Is Hardcore, Plan-it-X fest in IL

I'll also still be driving to CA at SOME point. I also HAVE to fit in Arizona/the river. And I'd like to go stay with Tatianna in Nor Cal as well. Maybe I'll find the money to waste April there. And I've been talking about hitchhiking with Orion and Chris, both relatively soon. So many people are just ready to get out..