007.

I know it's probably not the best plan, but if I just keep going and going and going then I avoid being a total mess. I don't know what my plan should be but I'm just going to pick one and nothing at all has to be permanent if I get somewhere and don't like it.
But I just keep filling the hours with plans and not coming home because even when I start to think, at least I know I have something to take my mind off of it. Talking helps. Proves I over think to an insane extent, but helps.

Last night Stace and me got 2 free boxes of donuts from DD, not that I could eat them but still. Then we went to get water and ended up buying a case of water. None of this even sounds interesting or hilarious but it was to us. We also decided to get tattoos tomorrow. I'm not sure what I'm getting but it feels right. I want one, so I'm getting one. Money is money, who cares. We also decided to take a trip to North Carolina next week for Defiance, Ohio, Toby Foster, and This Bike is A Pipe Bomb. I need this trip. Maybe Georgia didn't happen for a reason. So that this could happen now when I need it more than anything. Andrew has actually been trying, or at least seeming to attempt, to have a friendship with me again. It makes me so happy it's a little ridiculous. But I need my drewdrew and it's nice. So last night he asked to hang out so Stace and me went up to Newark and everyone was kind of around. You can always tell the weathers a little nicer when Main Street is crowded. I just realized how strange it was so see so many people everywhere..just like it was summer, since it's so dead all winter. Garrett texted me wanting to hang out too so I picked him up and just hung out for a little while. Then Stace and I left and just drove around for awhile listening to music, talking about tattoos, north carolina, and me trying to keep it together.

I use my blog so much lately. I think it's just because keeping my thoughts in my head just doesn't feel safe at the moment. I'm probably saying some things I shouldn't, but I don't care right now.


I think I may go up to Philly tomorrow to look for a job there.

For the first time in two and a half years, I talked to you like a real best friend. I asked for your advice and you listened and gave it. Our relationship has always been different in it's own beautiful way, but it's so strange how things can still change every day. I felt comfortable bearing and letting you in on my deepest thoughts. We're so close already it just always surprises me when I notice a change. Normally I keep these things to myself or I hint that I'm not ok.. and then you just give me a hug and try and make me laugh and we go about things normally because I know you care and it's all we need, nothing has to be said. But this was a first, I actually told you more. This is the first time I've ever WANTED to talk to people. Where I need people...
and I
never
need
anyone.

I know you think of me as independent and strong and all those things, and usually I am, but sometimes I just lose myself and you're always there and you actually care. I've said that a million times, I just feel the need to reiterate it every time I'm reminded. I know other people care for me as well, but it's never in the same way us
our friendship. I love you Tyler, even if you won't let me move to Arkansas.

I've said it time and time again, but Tyler Mullen, Stacy Hornung, and Andrew Benenati will always have the biggest place in my heart. I'm also very, very thankful for Melissa Stafford at the moment. If anything, everything lately has brought us closer together and she's another person on that list that will always mean so much to me.
I would be so lost without these kids that pull my heart strings.