018.

I HATE when I wake up feeling like this. It's been the past 2 days in a row, and I wonder how many months it'll take until I mean it when I say I don't care. I've never ever been in a situation quite like this, so I guess it's just hard going about things. The nights I come home so stoked on life, it's easy to push it away. It's the mornings where I wake up alone with no plans, not just today but any time in the immediate future, that I feel it. I feel this. The weirdest part is each day, each time, the feelings a little different. But I don't know if that means it's getting better or easier or if it's just ..different.

I find myself making plans with people I normally wouldn't. Texting people I don't think I really want to talk to, just to fill the space. I don't think it's a good thing. The last two days though, I don't think I'm sad about anything other than the overwhelming feeling of missing something, someone.

It's letting go versus not feeling like the stories over.
I don't think there's an in between. I don't think the middle ground exists.

Missed.

I am about 90% sure I'm leaving on Saturday to drive myself and my dog in a large Uhaul to California and then flying back. I am going to put everything inside of me into making this one of the best experiences of my life.