Tuesday, June 29, 2010
005.
I've spent the last two days with my best friend, I need to remember that even when things aren't normal..they always become normal again. We went to the beach and swam and swam and swam and I'm burnt but it's fine. I'm pretty sure I haven't been this tan in years. Yesterday we went to the bookstore and ran errands for things she needs before moving into her apartment on Thursday. Then we picked up Melissa and Brett and drove to Philly just to sit at the fountain for an hour or two. Justin met up with us and it was a nice night I suppose.
The last few weeks I've taken to hiding in my room and trying not to spend too much money and wait out the down time until things get really, really good again.
Things are about to get REALLY, REALLY good again.
I'm so excited I feel like my heart is going to burst right out of my chest.
And it just keeps getting better.
The last few weeks I've taken to hiding in my room and trying not to spend too much money and wait out the down time until things get really, really good again.
Things are about to get REALLY, REALLY good again.
I'm so excited I feel like my heart is going to burst right out of my chest.
And it just keeps getting better.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
June
My dad has been reoccurring in my dreams lately. But my dreams don't feel like dreams. But in them I see him and he's young and talking to my friends, getting to know them. Yet when I go to up to talk to him, he leaves.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Sunday
I'm going to the beach with Stacy, then we've decided to do our vermont tattoos (verm tats) oursleves. Stick n' pokes. They're going to just say VERM with 111110 underneath. We realized these tattoos doesn't need to be large or professional and don't need to make sense to anyone but us. It's just documentation of so much. I'm glad she thought of the stick n' poke idea.
I haven't been to the beach yet this summer, the only reason being lack of transportation. It feels very right that the first trip should still be with Stace. I'm glad I get to hang out with my best friend, this is all that matters at the moment..getting my best friend back. Until then I'll hide out in my room. Reading, cooking, learning. Things aren't right without her around. I have other friends with similar interests, wanting to live the same lifestyle and travel....
But no one gets it like Stace and I.
No one.
I haven't been to the beach yet this summer, the only reason being lack of transportation. It feels very right that the first trip should still be with Stace. I'm glad I get to hang out with my best friend, this is all that matters at the moment..getting my best friend back. Until then I'll hide out in my room. Reading, cooking, learning. Things aren't right without her around. I have other friends with similar interests, wanting to live the same lifestyle and travel....
But no one gets it like Stace and I.
No one.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
005.
It's 6:19 am. I slept in until 1:30 yesterday afternoon at Ashley's, I try so hard to tell myself I'm going to fix my sleep schedule but then I stay out, or stay up watching lost, or just can't seem to wake up. I want to wake up at 9 or 10 am every day again. But I spend so many nights at friend's houses sleeping into the afternoon next to them that it almost seems impossible, at least for now. Thus it's not surprising that I'm considering yet again just NOT sleeping tonight/this morning because I'm not tired at all.
I hate being up around this time though because my mind wanders, nostalgia hits. Turning on P.S. Eliot also made me feel so strange. This is the first time I've ever truly missed memories during the cold months. Those memories play like movies in my head and it stings. They meant something then in a different way than they would now.
I didn't even plan on writing today. I thought about it earlier, to document the past few days hanging out with friends. But I decided against it. Something hit me yesterday when I got off the train in Philly and since that moment my mindset changed and I wasn't so sure I was ready to put it down anywhere but in my head, but then 5 am hits and I'm a mess and there's just so many words to get out that I have to get some out and this is the only choice.
For the first time I really missed living in the city. I missed who I was 8 months ago.
Something has been missing for awhile and I finally felt it, at least a part of it. It's what I felt getting off the train and walking through the city alone, the sky illuminated a purplish color from the lights and overcast sky.
It's having my own apartment.
It's the view from my apartment.
It's being able to walk everywhere.
It's walking around the city all day with Tyler.
It's my best friend, it's missing Stacy more than I can explain.
It's remembering little pieces of me, interests that I completely let go of.
It's feeling last fall like I was there again.
It's walking in a thunderstorm and not caring, but more so walking through it with a smile.
I hate being up around this time though because my mind wanders, nostalgia hits. Turning on P.S. Eliot also made me feel so strange. This is the first time I've ever truly missed memories during the cold months. Those memories play like movies in my head and it stings. They meant something then in a different way than they would now.
I didn't even plan on writing today. I thought about it earlier, to document the past few days hanging out with friends. But I decided against it. Something hit me yesterday when I got off the train in Philly and since that moment my mindset changed and I wasn't so sure I was ready to put it down anywhere but in my head, but then 5 am hits and I'm a mess and there's just so many words to get out that I have to get some out and this is the only choice.
For the first time I really missed living in the city. I missed who I was 8 months ago.
Something has been missing for awhile and I finally felt it, at least a part of it. It's what I felt getting off the train and walking through the city alone, the sky illuminated a purplish color from the lights and overcast sky.
It's having my own apartment.
It's the view from my apartment.
It's being able to walk everywhere.
It's walking around the city all day with Tyler.
It's my best friend, it's missing Stacy more than I can explain.
It's remembering little pieces of me, interests that I completely let go of.
It's feeling last fall like I was there again.
It's walking in a thunderstorm and not caring, but more so walking through it with a smile.
Monday, June 21, 2010
oct
The weird part is that wasn't even a year ago.
But before I (we) know it, what came after will be a year ago.
And then 2 years.
And then 3 years.
And then it'll just be a memory.
It wasn't supposed to turn out like the rest.
But it did.
I wonder if you ever think about it.
I don't think you do.
And that's the worst part.
But before I (we) know it, what came after will be a year ago.
And then 2 years.
And then 3 years.
And then it'll just be a memory.
It wasn't supposed to turn out like the rest.
But it did.
I wonder if you ever think about it.
I don't think you do.
And that's the worst part.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
004.
There's nothing left here.
So why do I always come back?
I can't fix you. No one in general, but I can't.
But it's still okay..really, really silly things cheer me up.
I just have to figure out how to let go again. How to be fine without anything. To not make things happen but to let them happen. I know they'll happen.
So why do I always come back?
I can't fix you. No one in general, but I can't.
But it's still okay..really, really silly things cheer me up.
I just have to figure out how to let go again. How to be fine without anything. To not make things happen but to let them happen. I know they'll happen.
Friday, June 18, 2010
003.
I've spent the past two nights at "home" in Middletown. It's already too much.
This house brings me down. I'm working on my next escape.
Finding this makes me so happy and so, so sad.
Nothing is right until this is my life again.
This house brings me down. I'm working on my next escape.
Finding this makes me so happy and so, so sad.
Nothing is right until this is my life again.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
012510
I'm forgetting everything.
This could never be made right.
Levels change anyways, what can you do?
This could never be made right.
Levels change anyways, what can you do?
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
002.
I spent Saturday night in Hockessin with Melissa and Alex.
Completely unexpected plans, and some of the best conversation I've had in... potentially years.
So many theories, opinions and topics discussed. So many mind blowing realizations.
My head in my hands because so many things came into view and together.
Circles. Circles, circles, circles.
The night before that at Kapas was decent. Hung out with Andrew, Drew, Kapa, Nick and Kyle.
Driving around trying to scare ourselves with Andrew last night was fun as well.
I'm just having fun.
The whole rapist nonsense around here is getting really scary though, it might be time to get out of Delaware again sooner than later.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
001.
Recently I've posted a lot less than I have been the rest of the year. I feel two ways about this, 1. I like how documented my life is, I hate when I stop using this for months at a time because I never feel the urge to write anything but also 2. that it means something, probably something along the lines of (well yeah, being gone on trips and having a life the doesn't revolve around the internet) being in a better place, loving my life and regaining the sanity I questioned through out March, April and a portion of May. But finally, it stopped hurting awhile ago now. It's a piece of me and will always be a little sore, but I'm completely happy and I am living. Really, really living. And everything is good.
I had a hate/love relationship with the rest of tour. I was glad to be in far off places, not having another care in the world and I definitely had some fun. But I also missed friends at home and not every night was entirely enjoyable. I think it just wasn't comparable to the week I had previous. I seriously miss the shit out the CFF and the Boston kids. The shows were mostly boring (accept for the end of midwest fest, seeing the carrier, and the house show Drew and I were sneaky at) and the boys got a little mean at times. But Milwaukee was awesome, as was driving through Chicago, Gary and watching the sunrise on the 10 hour drive home from Ohio Wednesday night/Thursday morning.
The last two nights home were decent/nice to be home for a bit. I am legitimately homeless for now, but it's mostly by choice and not a problem yet..and won't be, if at all, for a few more weeks. I've been wandering around for 3 weeks now and I've got plans for at least another.
After sneaking into Melissa's at 4 am, we found out a kid we all know died. I didn't know him well enough to be extremely upset about it. But I knew who he was, have been around him various times and had conversations with him, and he's a part of the infamous 2008 Altoona trip. I sat in car next to him for 8 hours one night. It just makes me feel sick and leaves me with this overall erie feeling. It just hits close to home. Melissa and I have previously had conversations about death and how not everyone you know is going to see a long 80 years. At some point, someone we know and love is going to be gone forever. Just the thought could break me. I don't know what I'll do if it's ever someone very close. I dealt (or something) with my Dad, and that was hard enough. A friend..I'm not sure I'd function completely normally ever again. My heart seriously goes out to anyone that was actually good friends with Logan and his family too. His dad made a facebook page in his memory, I never want to experience how he's feeling. Losing a child is probably even worse than losing a parent. We are all so lucky to get to live as long as we do. This all just reinstates my belief of living for today and nothing farther into the future...because who knows if you'll see 5 minutes from now.
I had a hate/love relationship with the rest of tour. I was glad to be in far off places, not having another care in the world and I definitely had some fun. But I also missed friends at home and not every night was entirely enjoyable. I think it just wasn't comparable to the week I had previous. I seriously miss the shit out the CFF and the Boston kids. The shows were mostly boring (accept for the end of midwest fest, seeing the carrier, and the house show Drew and I were sneaky at) and the boys got a little mean at times. But Milwaukee was awesome, as was driving through Chicago, Gary and watching the sunrise on the 10 hour drive home from Ohio Wednesday night/Thursday morning.
The last two nights home were decent/nice to be home for a bit. I am legitimately homeless for now, but it's mostly by choice and not a problem yet..and won't be, if at all, for a few more weeks. I've been wandering around for 3 weeks now and I've got plans for at least another.
After sneaking into Melissa's at 4 am, we found out a kid we all know died. I didn't know him well enough to be extremely upset about it. But I knew who he was, have been around him various times and had conversations with him, and he's a part of the infamous 2008 Altoona trip. I sat in car next to him for 8 hours one night. It just makes me feel sick and leaves me with this overall erie feeling. It just hits close to home. Melissa and I have previously had conversations about death and how not everyone you know is going to see a long 80 years. At some point, someone we know and love is going to be gone forever. Just the thought could break me. I don't know what I'll do if it's ever someone very close. I dealt (or something) with my Dad, and that was hard enough. A friend..I'm not sure I'd function completely normally ever again. My heart seriously goes out to anyone that was actually good friends with Logan and his family too. His dad made a facebook page in his memory, I never want to experience how he's feeling. Losing a child is probably even worse than losing a parent. We are all so lucky to get to live as long as we do. This all just reinstates my belief of living for today and nothing farther into the future...because who knows if you'll see 5 minutes from now.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Day 4
It's always the nights you don't expect it that end up being the best. Tonight was definitely the best night of tour thus far, and I didn't expect it.
Sitting on a swing set on the shore of Lake Michigan in Milwaukee at 3 am.
No other care in the world.
Sitting on a swing set on the shore of Lake Michigan in Milwaukee at 3 am.
No other care in the world.
Friday, June 4, 2010
FF
Wednesday May 26th-
I am so grateful that there truly are some wonderful people in this world, people who are nice enough to help you out when they don't have to at all. And I'm so glad everything pulled through and worked out so well. Honestly finding a way to Newark, then to Wilmington, then to Philly, then a bus to Allentown and meeting up with 4 kids and a dog from Boston who's names I wasn't completely sure of and had never met before was the most iffy thing in the world. I couldn't believe I actually pulled it off and it could of gone so many ways, but I'm more than sure it was meant to be. I'm so happy about the turn out- meeting Vickey, Alex, Jake, Corey and Bandit is definitely meaningful to my life. Maybe just this month, maybe for many more times to come. But meant to be barely does it justice. They picked me up in Allentown after hours of sketchiness by myself (taxi drivers sans taxis, people walking around with beer cans, homeless men telling me the town is evil) and we crammed in Corey's tiny 2 door Honda hatchback and went on a 12 hour drive. 5 punk kids and a doggy. Strange 4:20 connections, Hoagie Fest, dead car batteries, veganism, Owen, pumping gas and new games (ghost, prayers to mother nature for taco bell, jokes being told ((nate the snake)), the rhyming game) We didn't get to Lexington until 8 am on Thursday and then we passed out at Corey's parents house until 4 pm.
Thursday May 27th-
I'm realizing in reflection that although I was quiet per usual around new people, I never once felt awkward or out of place with these kids. It was comfortable and there wasn't one place else I would of rather been. We ate peanut butter toast for a very, very late breakfast and they decided they wanted to camp out for the night and Alex invited me along- even though that meant squishing 4 people in a 2 person tent. We walked over to a park near Corey's, pet horses and then ran to avoid a thunderstorm. Corey dropped us off at a camp site later and Jake, Alex and I looked for things to starts a fire with. A 15 pack and 6 tall boys were consumed and awesome conversation was had. The rest of the night consisted of peeing in the woods numerous times, sitting around the fire and cuddling the night away while listening to tapes on alex's cassette player.
Friday May 28th-
We woke up and had Corey come get us and then went and took showers and then went on an adventure to Hobby Lobby and a bookstore that were easy as pie to steal from. Some how 3 days in, if felt like I had known these kids forever. We went to a record store and Chipotle, talked to a homeless man about quantem physhics , met some of the Lexington kids- Dakota, Carey, Heather and then decided to head over to the first night of Crucial Fun. We ended up at Tracey's whos one of the coolest women I've met..she's got so much to say. We walked over to Al's Bar, went into the show, I met Dakota from ATL, Alexis, Tesla......, Cameron, Disa and probably some kids I'm forgetting. We saw the Sundials, Timeshares, Dead Dog, I LOST MY SHIT FOR The Sidekicks and Delay was such a dance party. I talked to Jon from the Timeshares for awhile too. After the show we met Kevin and Nora (who were from Philly too, and the story gets weirder later), and walked with them to Triangle Park for the free midnight show. We sat around for awhile eating Disa's pretzels, talking and feeling so so content. I saw Laurie around too and said hey- I don't know why she seems not to like me so much. Eventually Chris Eugene, Laura Stevenson and Sean from AJJ played a few songs each while everyone sat in a huge circle in the grass. We went dumpster diving and got some good things, I survived off those dried pineapples on Sunday, went back to Corey's and had a good night's sleep for the first time in days.
Saturday May 29th-
Woke up after more cuddles, to more peanut butter toast. We got ready and headed to Gumbo Yaya for the second day/morning show of CFF. Walked in to high fives from atlanta Dakota, ate free vegan chili all day, met more friends, met a guy who's dog is named Tesla, watched Vicky give Alex a sit n' poke, and saw Slugging Percentage (hilarious), PheRamones (surprise!) Joe Magnum, Hop Along, Toby Foster, Madeline Ava, and LAURA FREAKING STEVENON AND THE CANS. The show ended around 5 and went back back to Corey's for a bit and laid in the front lawn and then went back downtown. We went to this awesome coffee shop and walked down to where a lot of kids where hanging out around this park and fountain in front of the court house. There was some traveler kids playing the harmonica and it might of made my day. After a bit of splashing around the fountain we walked down to Al's for the night show of CFF day 2. We sat around outside for awhile, I got some tea, saw Imperial Can and fell in love with Chris Clavin's dog (enter dog jokes of the weekend here "WERE TAKING THEM ALL HOME"), saw Pink Houses which was sooo good, and then Sean in AJJ played some AJJ stuff solo. I don't think anything will ever live up to the first time Brit and I saw them in Baltimore and they played my favorite album all the way through. I also ran into Mowgli right as I walked in and was so excited to see him!!
After the show we waited around awhile deciding on plans and ended up just the 4 of us walking around drinking for awhile. I think we missed whoever played triangle park that night but I had some crazy connection conversation with Nora about philly house shows and fucking DENISE, talked to Mowgli some more, introduced myself to Madeline which was awkward but successful. Became closer with Vicky. SO MANY 4:20 and wandered around Kroger before going back to Corey's. Alex and I got the bed for once and fell right asleep.
Sunday May 30th-
We decided to skip the daytime show on Sunday because there wasn't anything any of us really wanted to see since Slingshot Dakota dropped, and I've seen Spraynard so many times the past few weeks anyways it's a little ridiculous. So instead we went on a really, really awesome hike. I think another reason I liked thse kids so much is because while they're not straight edge, they're still different than the typical partying kids. I feel like it's hard to come across kids that arent one or the other- they're either straight edge and not into anything else, or drink and smoke and don't find fun in anything but that. But these kids can drink all night but still want to go on awesome adventures and if finally felt like I met people that I totally get and fit with. We hiked for about 2 hours, sang built to spill, saw the Kentucky River, sat on a bridge throwing rocks making them explode and then left for Taco Bell. We hiked about 3-4 miles on the harder terrain. I introduced the vegans in the gang ( everyone but Corey) to Fresco Bean Burritos and then we went to the bookstore again and I got Blankets (I'm making Vicky help get me into comics/graphic novels) and finally 1984 so I can start reading once again and since I've always wanted to read it/Melissa's been raving around it lately.
We went back to Corey's for a bit and layed around in the grass like usual..Vickey cut Alex's hair, we went to the coffee shop again and played Guess Who then back to the front of the court house and Jake and I played in the fountain and then layed around the park for a few hours. The travelers where there again playing songs, and they started to play the New Mexico song. I was internally freaking out about it. All day I heard that harmonica playing that song somewhere in the distance. Circles fucking everywhere. The entire car ride the day Jake, Alex and I read a play outloud. After a bit we walked to Tracy's, then to the liquor store when I luckily!! could cash my check, then went back to sit on that amazing porch when I fell in love with the south. We went to the show and I wondered around on my own all night and didn't really go inside until Max Levine played last. That was a fun dance party, I bought alcohol without getting carded just for fun and then we walked around for a bit I believe. I didn't get to say bye to everyone I would of liked to, but we did say bye to Disa and oh yeah! we walked to Alexis and Jennifer, the twins, to Tolly-Ho Diner where most people were going after the show. I played pacman and am still so awesome, got some fries, and we sat around a huge table laughing like usual (Alex is probably one of the most enteraining people I have ever met) we went for a pretty long walk and talked to Joe outside a gas station and took group pictures and didn't get back to Corey's until probably 3 am. We passed out on the floor, I told the Boston kids how much I loved them and fell asleep giggling as always. Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle.
Monday May 31st-
Corey didn't plan on leaving until Tuesday so the day after the fest as a free for all but honestly my day didn't feel complete at the end when there wasn't a show and all the faces I came to love through out the weekend and I wish that CFF was every day of my life. Nothing but good people and big hearts and heartfelt music and long walks and dance parties for hours. We slept in pretty late and we tried to get free veggie dogs but when we got there there was no veggie dogs to be found, so we got coffee at Tolly-Ho and then went to the Co-op and I got an awesome TLT (Tempeh, Lettuce and Tomato :)) sandwich although Jake told me he'll make me a better one when I come to Boston. I got the best text of my life from Chrystina "KID DYNAMITEEEE" and kind of gasped loud enough for everyone in the entire cafeteria to look at me and ran outside and jumped up and down while calling Andrew to freak the fuck out about them playing TIH and might of even teared up a bit. We hung out at Carey's dad's mattress store for awhile and Alex learned to drive stick. I really want to learn now for some reason. Corey had plans to go out to dinner with his family so he dropped us off downtown, we sat around the coffee shop for a few hours playing scrabble for a few hours, drawing on tables and enjoying our last day in town. We walked around for awhile later looking for somewhere to get dinner but just ended up walking a lot and ending up at Triangle Park waiting for a ride form Corey. He got us, we went to kroger and then cooked a really good dinner and sat in the backyard all night. Eventually we went to sleep for the last night since we had to leave at like 5 am.
The next day we left and went on the most ridiculous drive, they dropped me off somewhere in PA before the Cut Short boys found me and we took group pictures and said goodbyes and Jake told me to come up to Boston on the 16th for Defiance and then a show he booked on the 18th. I really hope I can pull it off.
Crucial Fun was easily my favorite week of 2010 so far, and has such a huge, huge place in my heart.
I might of teared up again a little as those kids drove off. Getting in a car now doesn't feel right unless I'm crammed in the back with 2 other kids and a pup.
I am so grateful that there truly are some wonderful people in this world, people who are nice enough to help you out when they don't have to at all. And I'm so glad everything pulled through and worked out so well. Honestly finding a way to Newark, then to Wilmington, then to Philly, then a bus to Allentown and meeting up with 4 kids and a dog from Boston who's names I wasn't completely sure of and had never met before was the most iffy thing in the world. I couldn't believe I actually pulled it off and it could of gone so many ways, but I'm more than sure it was meant to be. I'm so happy about the turn out- meeting Vickey, Alex, Jake, Corey and Bandit is definitely meaningful to my life. Maybe just this month, maybe for many more times to come. But meant to be barely does it justice. They picked me up in Allentown after hours of sketchiness by myself (taxi drivers sans taxis, people walking around with beer cans, homeless men telling me the town is evil) and we crammed in Corey's tiny 2 door Honda hatchback and went on a 12 hour drive. 5 punk kids and a doggy. Strange 4:20 connections, Hoagie Fest, dead car batteries, veganism, Owen, pumping gas and new games (ghost, prayers to mother nature for taco bell, jokes being told ((nate the snake)), the rhyming game) We didn't get to Lexington until 8 am on Thursday and then we passed out at Corey's parents house until 4 pm.
Thursday May 27th-
I'm realizing in reflection that although I was quiet per usual around new people, I never once felt awkward or out of place with these kids. It was comfortable and there wasn't one place else I would of rather been. We ate peanut butter toast for a very, very late breakfast and they decided they wanted to camp out for the night and Alex invited me along- even though that meant squishing 4 people in a 2 person tent. We walked over to a park near Corey's, pet horses and then ran to avoid a thunderstorm. Corey dropped us off at a camp site later and Jake, Alex and I looked for things to starts a fire with. A 15 pack and 6 tall boys were consumed and awesome conversation was had. The rest of the night consisted of peeing in the woods numerous times, sitting around the fire and cuddling the night away while listening to tapes on alex's cassette player.
Friday May 28th-
We woke up and had Corey come get us and then went and took showers and then went on an adventure to Hobby Lobby and a bookstore that were easy as pie to steal from. Some how 3 days in, if felt like I had known these kids forever. We went to a record store and Chipotle, talked to a homeless man about quantem physhics , met some of the Lexington kids- Dakota, Carey, Heather and then decided to head over to the first night of Crucial Fun. We ended up at Tracey's whos one of the coolest women I've met..she's got so much to say. We walked over to Al's Bar, went into the show, I met Dakota from ATL, Alexis, Tesla......, Cameron, Disa and probably some kids I'm forgetting. We saw the Sundials, Timeshares, Dead Dog, I LOST MY SHIT FOR The Sidekicks and Delay was such a dance party. I talked to Jon from the Timeshares for awhile too. After the show we met Kevin and Nora (who were from Philly too, and the story gets weirder later), and walked with them to Triangle Park for the free midnight show. We sat around for awhile eating Disa's pretzels, talking and feeling so so content. I saw Laurie around too and said hey- I don't know why she seems not to like me so much. Eventually Chris Eugene, Laura Stevenson and Sean from AJJ played a few songs each while everyone sat in a huge circle in the grass. We went dumpster diving and got some good things, I survived off those dried pineapples on Sunday, went back to Corey's and had a good night's sleep for the first time in days.
Saturday May 29th-
Woke up after more cuddles, to more peanut butter toast. We got ready and headed to Gumbo Yaya for the second day/morning show of CFF. Walked in to high fives from atlanta Dakota, ate free vegan chili all day, met more friends, met a guy who's dog is named Tesla, watched Vicky give Alex a sit n' poke, and saw Slugging Percentage (hilarious), PheRamones (surprise!) Joe Magnum, Hop Along, Toby Foster, Madeline Ava, and LAURA FREAKING STEVENON AND THE CANS. The show ended around 5 and went back back to Corey's for a bit and laid in the front lawn and then went back downtown. We went to this awesome coffee shop and walked down to where a lot of kids where hanging out around this park and fountain in front of the court house. There was some traveler kids playing the harmonica and it might of made my day. After a bit of splashing around the fountain we walked down to Al's for the night show of CFF day 2. We sat around outside for awhile, I got some tea, saw Imperial Can and fell in love with Chris Clavin's dog (enter dog jokes of the weekend here "WERE TAKING THEM ALL HOME"), saw Pink Houses which was sooo good, and then Sean in AJJ played some AJJ stuff solo. I don't think anything will ever live up to the first time Brit and I saw them in Baltimore and they played my favorite album all the way through. I also ran into Mowgli right as I walked in and was so excited to see him!!
After the show we waited around awhile deciding on plans and ended up just the 4 of us walking around drinking for awhile. I think we missed whoever played triangle park that night but I had some crazy connection conversation with Nora about philly house shows and fucking DENISE, talked to Mowgli some more, introduced myself to Madeline which was awkward but successful. Became closer with Vicky. SO MANY 4:20 and wandered around Kroger before going back to Corey's. Alex and I got the bed for once and fell right asleep.
Sunday May 30th-
We decided to skip the daytime show on Sunday because there wasn't anything any of us really wanted to see since Slingshot Dakota dropped, and I've seen Spraynard so many times the past few weeks anyways it's a little ridiculous. So instead we went on a really, really awesome hike. I think another reason I liked thse kids so much is because while they're not straight edge, they're still different than the typical partying kids. I feel like it's hard to come across kids that arent one or the other- they're either straight edge and not into anything else, or drink and smoke and don't find fun in anything but that. But these kids can drink all night but still want to go on awesome adventures and if finally felt like I met people that I totally get and fit with. We hiked for about 2 hours, sang built to spill, saw the Kentucky River, sat on a bridge throwing rocks making them explode and then left for Taco Bell. We hiked about 3-4 miles on the harder terrain. I introduced the vegans in the gang ( everyone but Corey) to Fresco Bean Burritos and then we went to the bookstore again and I got Blankets (I'm making Vicky help get me into comics/graphic novels) and finally 1984 so I can start reading once again and since I've always wanted to read it/Melissa's been raving around it lately.
We went back to Corey's for a bit and layed around in the grass like usual..Vickey cut Alex's hair, we went to the coffee shop again and played Guess Who then back to the front of the court house and Jake and I played in the fountain and then layed around the park for a few hours. The travelers where there again playing songs, and they started to play the New Mexico song. I was internally freaking out about it. All day I heard that harmonica playing that song somewhere in the distance. Circles fucking everywhere. The entire car ride the day Jake, Alex and I read a play outloud. After a bit we walked to Tracy's, then to the liquor store when I luckily!! could cash my check, then went back to sit on that amazing porch when I fell in love with the south. We went to the show and I wondered around on my own all night and didn't really go inside until Max Levine played last. That was a fun dance party, I bought alcohol without getting carded just for fun and then we walked around for a bit I believe. I didn't get to say bye to everyone I would of liked to, but we did say bye to Disa and oh yeah! we walked to Alexis and Jennifer, the twins, to Tolly-Ho Diner where most people were going after the show. I played pacman and am still so awesome, got some fries, and we sat around a huge table laughing like usual (Alex is probably one of the most enteraining people I have ever met) we went for a pretty long walk and talked to Joe outside a gas station and took group pictures and didn't get back to Corey's until probably 3 am. We passed out on the floor, I told the Boston kids how much I loved them and fell asleep giggling as always. Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle.
Monday May 31st-
Corey didn't plan on leaving until Tuesday so the day after the fest as a free for all but honestly my day didn't feel complete at the end when there wasn't a show and all the faces I came to love through out the weekend and I wish that CFF was every day of my life. Nothing but good people and big hearts and heartfelt music and long walks and dance parties for hours. We slept in pretty late and we tried to get free veggie dogs but when we got there there was no veggie dogs to be found, so we got coffee at Tolly-Ho and then went to the Co-op and I got an awesome TLT (Tempeh, Lettuce and Tomato :)) sandwich although Jake told me he'll make me a better one when I come to Boston. I got the best text of my life from Chrystina "KID DYNAMITEEEE" and kind of gasped loud enough for everyone in the entire cafeteria to look at me and ran outside and jumped up and down while calling Andrew to freak the fuck out about them playing TIH and might of even teared up a bit. We hung out at Carey's dad's mattress store for awhile and Alex learned to drive stick. I really want to learn now for some reason. Corey had plans to go out to dinner with his family so he dropped us off downtown, we sat around the coffee shop for a few hours playing scrabble for a few hours, drawing on tables and enjoying our last day in town. We walked around for awhile later looking for somewhere to get dinner but just ended up walking a lot and ending up at Triangle Park waiting for a ride form Corey. He got us, we went to kroger and then cooked a really good dinner and sat in the backyard all night. Eventually we went to sleep for the last night since we had to leave at like 5 am.
The next day we left and went on the most ridiculous drive, they dropped me off somewhere in PA before the Cut Short boys found me and we took group pictures and said goodbyes and Jake told me to come up to Boston on the 16th for Defiance and then a show he booked on the 18th. I really hope I can pull it off.
Crucial Fun was easily my favorite week of 2010 so far, and has such a huge, huge place in my heart.
I might of teared up again a little as those kids drove off. Getting in a car now doesn't feel right unless I'm crammed in the back with 2 other kids and a pup.
Day 3
For the past 3 years, these have been the people in my life. They are a huge piece of me, but I can't help but feel that this doesn't feel right anymore. I will always love and appreciate the memories and love these kids to death. But twice in the past 48 hours one of you has hurt my feelings enough to cry. I sit around listening to such meaningless conversation followed my hurtful words and although I want to have fun and hang out and keep the people that have always been in my life around..I feel so detached.
It's time for something new.
It's time for something new.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
crucial
There is so much to say but I don't even know where to start yet. I'm currently siting in a living room in Pittsburgh with Tyler, Garrett and Nick on the first night of tour. The past week of my life has been one of the best experiences of my entire life, and I don't expect the next one to be any less insane. A very, very long entry full of detail is soon to come. Lexington, Kentucky stole a huge piece of my heart this past weekend. I miss these kids so much already.
and Bandit<3
and Bandit<3
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