<->

As indirect as that was, it's the first communication we've had since that last phone call. The one that came from a truck stop in South Carolina as I twirled around a bathroom in Philadelphia unable to sit still due to the promise in your voice that you were saving me soon. But now I feel like I can't breath.

Everything would feel better.

difference

I've realized I only really use this blog, or at least this is true to the last few months, when everything is feeling so intense that writing it in my notebook just wouldn't flow fast enough.

Rereading how I felt the majority of the summer is sad, but at least I can say I let most of those feelings pass and now I'm trying to just let everything go the way it will and be comfortable with and by myself in all aspects. I've been feeling pretty alright lately and I think I'll stay at this place for awhile if nothing better.

I'm just going to start doing things. Things, things, things. Fill all the time.

over three months

Remember laying in my bed telling me it'd only been two months and we'd be together again?
"This is my home."
I still miss you. I don't know if I was kidding myself when I said I didn't or if I've regressed.

My best guess tells me I'm a distant memory and you went to the city and home became a memory with me.

You jacket, shorts, and shoes ended up in our free pile when I couldn't look at them in the corner of my room any more. But I couldn't part with the albums you trusted to me when you left.

I still look for you sitting on the corner of Lexington and Walnut playing you banjo some nights when I'm walking around town alone.

nine

These are usually the times and situations that push me to react in the only way I know how; Running away. Sometimes my feeling to run is a good thing- "I'd rather be traveling", but in this circumstance it's only to avoid dealing with being confused and uncomfortable. I have to remember it's felt this way before, that tomorrow or a few days from now all my over thinking, over sensitivity, taking everything personal and being terrified of changes in our relationship could be completely null and void and I could have made the feeling of distance up completely. However I know the only reason I'll wait it out and see is because I have to, I can't run, I'm tied down here. If I wasn't I'd probably already be on a bus somewhere else.