typical

Someone I'm actually interested in as a person tells me they think I'm "cute" and I only think about how I should probably never talk to him again because it'll just make things weird, awkward and end horribly; because anytime anyone says anything like that now all I can think is "I will now inevitably fuck this up" and my past only proves me right.

I'm doing so well with everything else, but that is the one factor that I will probably never master- "relationships" and every single little thing that could fall into that category even questionably.

Which is the reason I keep thinking maybe it's better to keep my real interest in another person to myself and not pursue it with any true intentions. About a year ago I started to think hey maybe it'll get me somewhere if I change my ways and actually put myself out there- but that is not the case at all. The minute it's out in the air it's doomed and I can't be myself and everything gets so messy- at the very least mentally for me.

It's alright, friends are better anyways and that's all I really need from you anyways and we've already gotten that far- who knows why but I'm happy about it and that's all that matters.