NC

Some how in a few days time I was able to remember why I chose this. Why I abruptly left, and why there's been this need to keep going and leaving and finding new people, places and things inside me that was undying for so long. I felt excited the last two days, and I can't tell you the last time I felt that full of hope and couldn't wipe a stupidly happy smile off my face. Everything that's falling into place are things that make me unbelievably happy.

Hanging out with Madeline and Sascha, being around radical people and hearing interesting discussions, remembering what it's like to be around people doing things and who care about things who are genuinely good and feeling that rub off of them and on to me, plans for fests and road trips in coming months already and positivity towards the months to come.

It's fucking freezing, and for the first time I don't mind.

California tomorrow, I don't want to go. But I know a phone call from a new friend and letter from a boy so close but so far will keep me going.

I'm living MY life. I feel completely alone in an amazing way. I left a lot of people, places and parts of my life miles away. But I did it knowingly. They helped get me here, and I'm thankful for that; for helping me become the person that's sitting here right now. But they served their purpose. Nothing in the past ever made me as genuinely happy as this; the part of my life that previously was only a portion of the whole thing, and now I'm making it the whole thing. Letting go of everything else. I've said goodbye to so many pasts, and now I'm doing it once again. Because as right as they felt as one point, they never felt as right as this.