005.

I'm such a mess.
I never wanted to feel like this in a million years.
I don't know where to go from here.

what the fuck.
It's not even that it doesn't make sense, it's entirely crazy. Not sane. Not normal.
Fucking weird.

I woke up this morning 400 times but made myself just keep going back to sleep. Sleep is so much easier than being awake and thinking. Always thinking.
I don't want to cry anymore.
I just want to feel hopeful again, about my life.

Happiness is not something you find in another person.

I called Zoe in tears last night. We haven't been very close since the fall, but I didn't know who else would talk to me on the phone. I don't want to bother Stacy anymore and everytime she asks whats wrong she just says "Tes you're breaking my heart" and Melissa has already done everything she possibly can for me.
The whole needing people thing is so new to me. The way I'm willing to just bare all my emotions out to anyone is the strangest thing. I'm not looking for sympathy or pity or attention, I just can't be in my own head these days. I guess i'm just searching for someone to say anything that will make me feel a little better. Even if just for a few hours, it's like a fix. I don't like it at all.

I went from feeling this way, to feeling better, to feeling this way again.
I was in such a good place, I don't understand how I regressed at all.

This weekend. House shows in unfamiliar places. I just have to make it until then.
Those nights are the only real fix for this. The nights I remember who I am.