004.

I hate this place. I hate this place. I hate this place. I hate this place. I hate this place. I hate this place. I hate this place. I hate this place.
I hate this place, this house, this room, this town that I already tried to leave once.

I wish my family wasn't 3,000 miles away.
Or that I felt like I had any sort faces to call family at all.

Complain, complain, complain.

I'm back to not missing my friends. Just Stace. Sometimes Tyler..but our lives are distant right now because he has Zoe and that crowd and we both know I like to distance myself from certain things. I know he'll always be there though, it's always different with him than with everyone else. Everyone's just acting kind of shitty, and I don't want to be a part of it. I'm also feeling kind of reclusive, but I suppose that has a lot to do with the weather. I'll go out soon though, I'll have fun, and I'll take back everything said and won't mean a word of this. I'm just pushing any anger I have off on them because I'm not happy with where I'm at.
And I miss a boy in New Jersey. With everything here just feeling kind of "blah" for lack of a better explanation, that's the only place my little heart wants to be. I'm just happy then. Content. It's such a strange and new and different feeling to me. It's not like anything before. With him I have no other care in the world.

"I looked and you know what I found? That you can't expect to trust this world when you can't even trust yourself. And your head starts to spin as you dance to the beat because tomorrow isn't promised but it sure as fuck is coming. And your body starts to shake as you sing in the streets because it's cold outside, so you better start running. Don't count on me to save your life when I've never had a clear enough perspective on mine. And I know things change, we'll go our separate ways and alive is the only thing it seems we've stayed lately. And the truth isn't always easy to believe. You walk alone to the sound of your own heartbeat. And I know it's not always so easy to see but we are still all so fucking beautiful to me."