006.

I don't know what I'm doing about anything.
I don't have a plan right now. I don't have any real goals.
I was ok with this for a little while, I can figure out all those things when the time comes. I just need that mindset back. Nothing matters right now. I just want to be happy. I have all the time in the world to grow up and figure things out. No. Rush. Just find happiness. And happy is what I am, when he's around. If I have that, and then the weather warms up, things will be okay.

I realized that if I change the ideas I've had in my mind, I don't necessarily have to let go of other things I want or need. That makes no sense.
I guess what I'm saying is that I've realized I don't have to give anything up. I can have everything I want. This can all coexist. It wasn't making sense for a little while, and I was scared of giving up one thing for another. But I don't have to. I can have everything all at once. I don't like that I realized this though, because I don't want to do anything stupid. I don't want to make any decisions too soon. I don't want to ruin anything, because this isn't something I plan on letting go easily. But sometimes when things just lay themselves in front of you and you don't have any reason to fight it, then you can't fight forever.

I'm just going to stop thinking for a little while. I'm going to smile and feel free and hang out with good friends and be happy with him ..hopefully for a long time. It's going to get warm, and everything will be wonderful then. I'll figure out everything else when the summer starts to end.

blahablahalbhah
I need a job.

Today is a bad day. 5 years. I still miss you, I always will. This will always hurt.