01.

I'm sick and not mentally where I want to be at mentally at all.
All I want is to start something new and getting there feels like it's going to take so much. Not that I have a problem with working for what I want, I just have to find the energy. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I feel very alone and I'm having trouble seeing a point in anything anyone does about anything ever.

I need to find a point to my life (or living in general?). I know that sounds horrible, but it's an overwhelming feeling I'm having trouble shaking. I know what it's like to feel the opposite of this, and I just need a reason to love my life again. And I think that reason is 500 miles in any other direction. Just not here.

I also keep questioning whether these (other kinds of) feelings are real. A few months ago I thought I was sure that I would never feel butterflies for someone again. Then in the last few weeks I proved myself wrong. I remembered what it's like to just want to spend so much time with someone and just feel crazy at the idea of seeing them. But you're 750 miles away and this is probably impossible and unrequited. But all I know is our time spent together ended far too fast and now just hearing your band is enough for me to know I want you around. Funny how some simple handwriting and words can change so much. I'm trying not to wonder where you are.