It was like something in the cold snuck up, and with a tight grip, snapped all the bones in her body in half. Tore her legs right off at the hips. And she’d spend the next 4 months healing; regrowing. Sometimes it wouldn’t hurt so bad, she was used to it. But it was only a matter of time until the medication wore off and once again she was left immobile, hopeless and helpless, vision blurred. “I’ll be ok..”, she’d whisper to the snow. And she was right, because she had lived those nights before and would again.
But then a winter came, and she could still walk. Her legs hadn’t detatched themselves and she didn’t feel so cold. She burst outside and stood still for a moment, experiencing new. A season she never had before; new feelings. Then she ran. Block after block, amazed at what her legs could carry.
She could still feel and talk and most of all, it wasn’t as dark; there were lights and things were clear.
The typical harsh, icy nights had a warmth to them.
That warmth was you. You were hope. A fiery and glorious hope that could carry such heavy hearts and years of ice.
What she had been needing to stay warm was a home. And you became that too. Somewhere that could hold the tiniest wisps of tender air between it’s walls. A place with a hint of heat blowing around. Nothing much. No, she didn’t need much.
Just somewhere new to lay her head, somewhere safe. Somewhere that told her the broken bones weren’t just delayed or late, but that they wouldn’t be bothering her this year. Not now, not here. This winter she could rest easy, painless, carefree. Let her guard down, not having to live in fear.
She smiled through blizzards. She trekked on through the storms. Your words on repeat dancing across her thoughts, “You’re so much warmer than you’ll ever know, my love.” Her legs could carry. Her body was weightless. Her legs would carry and she could walk through it all, even with a face bloody-red from vicious winds, hands frozen into fists, all the while still smiling. Wide grin partically glued to her face, looking through eyes at a world she never had before, all because she was light enough tp float. So floating, she drifted up with the breeze and spun around in circles with the white dust falling from the sky. And she was weightless in this way because of you. Because you were hope, you were home, you were heat. And you gave that heat to her, sent through the invisible connection between the two’s bones. And heat rises. So she floated around that winter. Floated in and out of your arms. Floated beneath your cover(s). But most important of all, she floated home. Then floated straight into those looks, those words. The soundtrack to her nights alone. Play, rewind, play, rewind. She believed in every noise mustered from behind your lips.
But then one night she became too reckless, and tripped. She fell right onto her legs, felt them buckle beneath her. Felt skin ripping away from skin. She felt that sharp, familiar sting that she would of sworn on anything was gone for good. But it wasn’t, and you were.
You were gone. You walked straight into the storm and disappeared. And in an instant it was cold again.
You were gone and she was cold enough on that single day to make up for the entire winter she missed.
But truthfully, it was starting to get warm and she knew that was the reason you left. With each degree the temperature outdoors grew, you grew further away from her reach.
So she limped through Spring. By then the sun had taken over, taken your place. And she grew a brand new pair of legs, just like every other year. But this time sturdier than ever before. Sturdier than the ones you broke. She hopped around, learning how to use her new and improved limbs. And when she was ready, she jumped into the air and grabbed onto as much of the summer heat as she could hold between her tiny fingers and toes. Enough to make up for the warmth she lost with you, the warmth you took back and the remaining warmth you stole. Enough so that next winter, if she starts to hear cracking under her skin, she’ll be safe. Safe alone. Safe and hopeful. Safe and warm.
Without you.
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