001.

11 days ago, my best friend picked me and all my (definitely needed) belongings up, took me out for chinese, I hung out on Main St for a few hours and got to say bye to some frinends I wouldn't have otherwise. (Tyler almost made me cry.) Then we went back to Melissa's and stayed up way too late and lost our minds. Long story much, much shorter- she dropped me off at the Newark Septa station and I got on the 6:22 am R2, after an unexpectedly tearful goodbye. I'm learning goodbyes for trips with indefinite or undetermained lengths are strange.

After traveling solo for over 24 hours (trains to Philly, buses to DC, long walks resulting in blistered hands, attempted kidnappings, chats with business men, old men and the homeless, 4 greyhound buses and 4 hours spent at a station in Columbus, Ohio) I arrived in Lexington, Kentucky at 8 am Friday morning, where Carey picked me up. I really didn't expect to see Lex again this summer. There's something about Kentucky I just really love. I still think I may end up South at some point in my life, even if only for a little while. After a 3 hour nap at his house, we left for the drive to Seattle, Washington. The next 5 days were spent mostly in the car, just add in hanging out in Chicago, hotels, shitty motels, huge mountains, tourist traps, camping, six packs, cards, self loathing and awkward conversation.

We drove through Kentucky into Indiana to Chicago, through Wisconsin, Minnesota, South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho and into Washington. The 3 previous to the latter were gorgeous and I (FINALLY) saw HUGE fields of sunflowers in SD.

I was king of irritated the entire trip with not feeling the way I typically do while traveling, but I guess I'm not used to being so uncomfortable while traveling. I don't know, I've put myself in some strange situations before and they've always turned out fine...and even when they were weird it still never affected me feeling so, soooo free. But maybe this time was just too awkward. Or the unimpressed, bored mood I was in the last few weeks at home has been too difficult to get out of. I'm starting to feel a little better now though. Either way, I'm not unhappy about my decision to go along because home didn't have much to offer for now and I think it needed to happen in order for the newest plans in my mind to be shaped and for it to all make sense.

I was in a small mountain town for 6 days. Sometimes I really enjoyed it, sometimes I wanted nothing more than to leave. But one thing was for sure, and its that being there made me think a lot. About things I want, why I do the things I do, what I care about. It also made me realize (for the millionth time) who really matters, and appreciate even more that I have good friends to call up and talk to on the phone. I haven't felt the urge to retreat entirely (although I know there'll be more and more things I miss out on at home) but I know I'll get homesick at somepoint, it's just easier not to now when I know that in the past few years, ESPECIALLY 2010, I've lived and seen and know more than some people ever will. I've really found my spot in the world and realized what's important to me. And although being away from home is going to make me miss out on some potentially awesome things..I'm a lot less concerned with the idea of missing out than I used to be. Life goes on and I live mine and I'll do amazing things wherever I am too, I'm sure. I think realizing all this is really just growing up and being able to watch myself change and well, grow up.

I flew down to California yesterday (although I grew to love that little cottage in the woods and the way of life that goes along with it, my plans needed to change), and as of now I'll be here until I fly home for Fest at the end of October. I think that weekend is going to be worth the wait. Being reunited with my best friend, driving to Florida, The Fest 9...then staying in Philly for a week or two to visit, selling my car and continuing on with my plans for the rest of the year/winter. I'm working while in California, it's going to be interesting to work and have a paycheck again. The idea of not doing much and saving money sounds really good, but we'll see how soon it gets old. However lately I really enjoy hanging out alone and enjoy little simple things. To know where it'll fade is totally in question, but for now I'm okay (with it) and I think I'll take the time alone to do everything I've wanted to do that I always seem to put on the back burner. Learn, learn, learn.

Other than that, the only other really monumental thing that's happened was a phone call from Andrew the other night. I was laying on the floor of the cottage talking on the phone to Brett and got another call, and was totally caught off guard when I saw his nae flashing on my phone. I answered, so confused, and he said, "Tesla?" and I reply, "Yeah???" and he just says, "I just want you to know I miss you a lot."
After not speaking to me for 2 months, I was beginning to believe our friendship was pretty much done for. I started crying and we talked for a few minutes. When I told him I thought he was never going to talk to me again he told me he could never do that and that I was always one of his best friends and "like my big sister". Drunk or not, no matter what changes, that phone call meant so much to me and I'm glad I still have my little brother. I texted Drew afterwards telling him about the call, and he told me he missed me too. No matter where I go, what changes, who we become and how we drift, there's those few certain people who will always have a huge piece of my heart. And I really never get sick of saying it.

Other than all of this, I got to explore a lot of Seattle, plan my year, see my family and I've spent the day reading Lolita and applying for jobs. I don't really know what to expect waking up every day (speaking of waking up- I've been having the weirdest dreams about someone I haven't talked to in months, lately, and his family) but we'll see where this ridiculous life of my takes me for now, I 'spose!