003.

The only thing capable of calming down all day was the 15 minutes I layed in the grass in the sun at the park, and talking to my best friend for a few minutes on facebook IM. I'm not sure if that has to do with my lack of human contact or what, but I'm thankful it made me feel a little less sick to my stomach.

I think the bulk of my problems lie within the fact that I just had the best summer of my life. And those feelings of having the world, abrubtly ended and the things I have to look forward to are awfully far away and there's nothing to occupy my mind in that time I'm stuck spending waiting, waiting, waiting. I'm better than feeling this way but I feel helpless. I'm going to work on it though. This isn't something I'm new to.

I think I miss the idea of you and not you, but my mind associates those things as you. I don't know why it's all rushing back now. I guess the warm air covered it up.

It's funny how quickly things change, and no matter how much I realize and say that, it's always still a surprise.

"Take all that you have and turn it into something you would miss, if somebody threw that brick, shattered all your plans."

I'm both my own best friend and worst enemy.
41 days until I'll be myself again, at least for a little while.