and on and on and on and on

I wasn't sure if I should wait to write about this entire trip until I got home, but I'm feeling so overwhelmed in so many ways (and have some time to kill while Melissa and Brett nap, before a secret Paint It Black show at 2 am) that I suppose I'll attempt to start now.

It's inevitable that if I don't let myself have expectations, they're always exceeded. Fest has been absolutely great. Great to the point where we still have so much fun to have tonight and all day tomorrow, but I feel sick just thinking about leaving. I haven't been quite so physically exhausted in some time but it's worth it. There's nothing I love more than how days are spent places like this, to quote Melissa, "I just keep thinking 'I wish this was real life'". Every day, forever. There is no where I feel more at home, no people that mean more, no where I'm more accepted and wanted. These familiar faces that I don't get to see often enough, dancing around to my favorite bands and sitting in the sun. It's absolutely disappointing to go back home, knowing the people you want in your life, the people you've met that are worth knowing, are so far away and there's nothing you can do about it, until the next time. But at least there's a next time, and if ever there's not, if this ever ends, I truly believe I'd be losing the one thing that means the most to me and there would be nothing to still want to live for. I go away for a week at a time, and get to spend time wandering around with the best people I know; friends from Boston, Atlanta, Lexington, etc and I wonder why everyone doesn't just get it.

I go home, and I have some attachments there, but I understand why it feels so distant now. I get it, and the old friends don't. But every once in awhile I get to be somewhere where I'm surrounded by the ones that do and it's worth everything it takes out of you, or you put in. And the idea of leaving it honestly becomes painful. But I'm grateful it all exists.