005.

My heart is still too involved in everything I do, think, and say.

Melissa and I are going out to lunch tomorrow, trying to fix what once was one of the greatest friendships I've ever had. It's been a long time, and now we've had months apart not speaking, and when someone was that important to you and you both miss each other..I think it's worth making a second (or is it more?) attempt at. Although I wouldn't call the arguments before really anything compared to this one, those were fights that we got over. This is really a second chance, making changes, working at being the best friends we once were. I think it's possible, even if it might take some time. I know it won't be awkward, because even talking on aim the last two nights it's already gone right back to normal. It's just one of those friendships where you can go months and months without talking, but the minute you do again it's like you just did yesterday. The only thing I'm afraid of is it going right back to the way it was just before that major falling out. It can't, we weren't ok then. We were only friends because it was comfortable. I need my best friend from 2007/2008 back if this is going to work at all. We've both changed and grown up a lot, even in just 4 months. So I think that's the only reason it could be different now. I'm interested to see what happens, and excited to have her back in my life. It's hard going through things when one of the few friends that stays in your heart is absent.

I feel so stuck in Middletown, I just keep telling myself it's not forever. It's temporary. I'll have a new plan soon.
However, I'm still just....happy.
This feels right. This feels like a good thing.
I just hope that's not a one sided feeling. I'd like to think not.
He's wonderful and I'd like very much for this to become something wonderful.
I'm in no rush, I just like this.

I cleaned the snow off both cars, shoveled the drive way and walk way, cleaned (scrubbed so much) my bathroom, did all my laundry, and I'm still going to clean my room and vacuum. I haven't minded a second of it. I think it might be due to the fact that I haven't worked in so long. Never thought I'd see the day.

I miss summer a lot. My friends are so vacant these days. I was re-reading entries from summer. May and July were two of the best months of my life.
And even though it was sad, I want to feel so attached again in the way that I cried my little eyes out saying bye to Andrew and Tyler is August before I moved to Philly.
Those late nights laying in drewdrew's basement have so much of my heart it's not even funny.
And I hate art school for stealing my best friend. Not texting Stacy 24/7 is the strangest feeling and I'm not too fond of it.
I can't wait until everyone stops being so busy and I get my heart back.
I still blame the winter.