cinnamon applesauce

I don't know how to keep this up without wanting you next to me every night. I'm scared of the mess this could create; if anything in my mind. I want to be able to just let go and whatever happens whenever it happens is just what happens. But I like kissing you way too much. There's no telling where this is going, will go or if it's going anywhere.

I really have to let go of every thought revolving around you and ignore those butterflies in my stomach I didn't expect. Save them only for those moments when you're laying on the edge of my bed and I'm sitting in the corner and we're telling stories and you're telling me I smell like cinnamon applesauce for the millionth time before you ask if you can kiss me and the rest of the room melts a little when you start inching closer and I'm unaware I'm even still mumbling whatever I was saying.

What I do know is that however messy this feels or could get, I know I'm right where I should be. I know it because nothing else could be right at this time in my life compared to sitting in this warm weather in our front yard, listening to music I haven't been able to listen to in months, sewing and drinking coffee; mountains in the distance and you napping on the blanket beside me after just getting home from work.

Scared, uncomfortable, curious, questioning..

But happy. Repeat, repeat, repeat.