002.

Everything has been working out so perfectly it seems like it can't be merely coincidence. I have so many of the things I've been reaching for for so long. But it doesn't stop me from still asking myself what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing here.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I think half (if not more) of my sadness comes from the fact that I don't think I've ever missed anything for so long the way I miss last summer. I think I always anticipate summer and warm months, but the amount I want to text a close friend saying “I miss summer” seems way too often and redudant because they know I miss summer. I just can't get over it. Things are good, but they're not as good as they were a few months ago when I was more free than I had ever previously known and I'm not sure I can stop pining away for that feeling until I reach it again. Until then I'll never be completely content, I won't be sure of my actions, I won't know what I'm doing, I'll have fun but not as much fun as I could be having. Is the winter supposed to make you feel this horrible 80% of the time?

I've been dreaming of the desert.