This will be the first birthday is 3 years I doubt I'll see Tyler. I'm not expecting any calls, no balloons, no surprises, no picnics, no beach, no birthday dinner, no Stacy, no drawings. I know I should be happy with whatever I do get, I sound so selfish. I'm going to wake up Saturday morning, 20 years old, with no birthday plans for the first time in my life.It really bothers me. It's this combined with these overwhelming feelings I can't take. I cried all day, I saw two of my favorite bands and it didn't help. I haven't cried in weeks, I've been so, so happy. Everything was getting perfect. Now I don't even know how to take feeling so fucked up.
I've been so happy lately, where did all this pessimism come from?
I want nothing more than to shake it off.
I don't know where to go or what to do.
Silence will always hurt more than anything.
Wandering minds never come with any good.
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