002.

This is the first time I've come back to California since moving that I'm not miserable. But that feeling actually alarms me. Because nothing amazing has been happening here, nothing to make me NOT miss home. So why don't I want to go back right this minute?

I don't miss anything. I just miss Philadelphia. Delaware has my heart, but I think being back there has made me realize even more that my time to leave already came. It's be fine in small doses, it's just time for my next step. I took one but it wasn't the right one. Of course I miss Tyler and Zoe and Stace and Andrew..but that feeling is no different than what I was feeling there. Because I've only seen Zoe once since mid november and now, and I hadn't really seen anyone except at Blacklisted the day before I left, since I've been stuck in Middletown with no money.

I guess I just feel really detached.. and the changes going on around the people and places I call my life are just too much for me to handle or accept. I've been playing around with a bunch of options in my mind, but now more than ever I just need to be back in the city. Especially when I come back to a cold winter, I don't know if I'll make it otherwise. Hopefully I'll talk to Liz today about getting a place with her, Lauren, Ryan, and Serena.