A's

If growing up means finally understanding feelings you've always felt and finally having them manifest in and turn into things you truly care and feel passionate about; then I really, really love growing up.

That, or I'm really going to love my twenties. My only regret is not feeling these things sooner- that it took me until now to find who I am, turning what I've always loved into a lifestyle and not just interests and finally finding the community I feel I belong in. I still feel like somewhat of a stranger, but at least I'm home now and hopefully I'll settle in eventually. Regardless of how I feel, I couldn't be more thankful for the warm welcome and acceptance. Maybe that means my ideas and thoughts are being taken seriously for the first time in my life, that the members of this home see my true intentions and accept them and myself.

I'm sorry it took me until 19 to start realizing these feelings, acknowledging that they meant something. No feelings are just feelings, no feeling should go ignored. I'm sorry that it took me until 20 to then grasp and take action upon them. I'm sorry I didn't start learning these things when I was much younger, and get involved more soon but I don't feel like resources became available to me until later and as soon as they did I started to realize what exactly is important to me and how I want to live my life; and at least I'm here now.

I'm still learning. I'm grasping more and more of this every day. And for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm learning things actually worth learning. Something I never felt during my entirely time in the public education system. I'm feeling something I never felt before. I'm reading and finishing my piece of literature feeling accomplished and leaving it brighter than I was before, more of a person, more of a better whole person. I'm still learning, and I hope that's ok. I hope you'll still stand with me in solidarity even when I have to do a little more research still to fully understand something that's newer to me than you, I hope you'll understand that my heart and mind are in the right places and at the very least I'm on the right track. I'm headed in the direction I was always meant to, it just took me a few detours to make it here.