005.

It's 6:19 am. I slept in until 1:30 yesterday afternoon at Ashley's, I try so hard to tell myself I'm going to fix my sleep schedule but then I stay out, or stay up watching lost, or just can't seem to wake up. I want to wake up at 9 or 10 am every day again. But I spend so many nights at friend's houses sleeping into the afternoon next to them that it almost seems impossible, at least for now. Thus it's not surprising that I'm considering yet again just NOT sleeping tonight/this morning because I'm not tired at all.

I hate being up around this time though because my mind wanders, nostalgia hits. Turning on P.S. Eliot also made me feel so strange. This is the first time I've ever truly missed memories during the cold months. Those memories play like movies in my head and it stings. They meant something then in a different way than they would now.

I didn't even plan on writing today. I thought about it earlier, to document the past few days hanging out with friends. But I decided against it. Something hit me yesterday when I got off the train in Philly and since that moment my mindset changed and I wasn't so sure I was ready to put it down anywhere but in my head, but then 5 am hits and I'm a mess and there's just so many words to get out that I have to get some out and this is the only choice.

For the first time I really missed living in the city. I missed who I was 8 months ago.
Something has been missing for awhile and I finally felt it, at least a part of it. It's what I felt getting off the train and walking through the city alone, the sky illuminated a purplish color from the lights and overcast sky.
It's having my own apartment.
It's the view from my apartment.
It's being able to walk everywhere.
It's walking around the city all day with Tyler.
It's my best friend, it's missing Stacy more than I can explain.
It's remembering little pieces of me, interests that I completely let go of.
It's feeling last fall like I was there again.


It's walking in a thunderstorm and not caring, but more so walking through it with a smile.