002.

I'm better off alone, not having people (to get attached to, to be dependent on, to love and adore and respect and care about) just saves it when you start to lose them. Whether they drift away, they change or something happens that makes you or them have to let go or push the other away. It's not worth it when you start to miss people and the way things were. When you're reaching for a friendship that just isn't there anymore and there's no control in whether it ever will be again. I don't hang out with a lot of people that used to "important anymore". Most of that's by choice. I don't miss the group of friends I had last summer, I love the people I'm close with now. But there are those few important friendships that are killing me to think about. It's the 3 people I always said were the most important, the 3 I said I would never let go of. And I look around and they're just no where to be found. I've had one of the best summers of my life, up until a few days ago I couldn't break this content feeling. I've been the happiest I ever have been in my entire life. But I feel it slipping away and when I'm not totally content is when I notice their absences and remain in a total loss about what the answers are.

I went camping with Melissa and Brett the other night. Having my car back makes things a lot easier. The camping trip was hectic and full of bugs and bites and scary noises and fires that wouldn't stay burning. It defines our friendship. The next morning though, we finally did find somewhere we could swim. It was wonderful, that and chasing wild turkeys (we think?) and sitting in the sun in Bethlehem and the drive home with the windows down on backroads, I did feel fine.







I think I have an ear infection. I've never had one before and I really can't handle being sick right now. I move to Seattle in 18 days. I have way too much else to deal with between now and then.

Mainly shaking any unhappiness floating around my mind and getting back to the person I found in May and the one who's spent this summer "feeling indestructible, aimlessly alive". I can do it, I know it now.