this has been the year of fucked up relationships and situations, i'm not really sure how much more of it i can handle. my fears of that are confirmed by the fact that ive never felt myself react to things in the way i have been before. my entire body shaking because im scared or feel so intense i have no control over my reactions, shutting down is the only defense i have left.
my best friend breaking my heart and leaving me feeling more alone than ever.
dealing with unexpected disappointment when i met someone i would have loved to be with and have in my life and not being able to, the loss of something that hardly ever started.
feeling forever uncomfortable and unsafe.
the police pointing shotguns in my face and ever other dangerous situation that could be a reality any time.
meeting someone once again who leaves me wondering why we ever met when all it caused was more unnecessary stress, hurt, and putting me in the situation of being fucked over and feeling fucked up but still caring.
people you know killing themselves and people telling you they hope you cry when they do kill themselves.
i have never wanted anything more than to feel better. but its always been one thing after the other, but how many times can your heart break before it never heals again.
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