CoP

All I keep thinking is "I found you". This is so different than anything before and all happened so easily.

Sascha feels like I'm abandoning him by leaving. I keep trying to explain that I'm leaving to do just the opposite. I'm leaving so that I can come back and not give up for the first time in my life when things aren't going exactly the way I'd like.

However in the past few days I have started to feel a little better again. Cam's leaving soon and I won't see him until I meet up with them in Philly and as much as I'm going to be a little lonely after spending most nights out of the past two weeks with him- I need that time apart to prepare. Get everything set up, finish unfinished projects and mentally get ready for the adventure, or whatever this summer is going to be.

I am apprehensive. I'm giving up the thought of a lot of other summer plans I wanted and have been looking forward to. But this is all working too easily and I think I'd regret if I passed up this opportunity.

I skipped work again today. I feel bad but I also feel like it was only a matter of time before I ran out of that momentum. My life doesn't consist of routine and it probably never will for long periods of time. I started walking there but it's cold and rainy and I justified it with the fact that I'm leaving soon and nothing will matter then, so I turned around and walked back home.

I'll be responsbility free and happy like I'm supposed to be so soon. Like I know how to be.
I can feel it starting to bubble up inside of me. It makes me nervous but I know once it bursts I'll remember everything.