We used to roll the windows down and play the music loud.

This distance just makes me remember why I love my east coast friends even more. These people are good people, but no one's ever made me feel so loved and at home and free as everyone back there. I sit with an old best friend, someone who was once like family and it's good. But while I'm sitting here 3,000 miles from where my life now resides, I can't help but feel the connection there being so much stronger. I never knew how real a friendship could be. I see Stacy, Tyler, Andrew..all the faces I know so well run through my head. All my boys, Garrett and Bill and even the people who aren't around so much anymore. And I wonder how I ever functioned with out. It's so insane being back here, I never expected it to feel as weird as it does. But it's still nothing special to me. Although I can now see the appeal with more open eyes, it still doesn't appeal to me. I remember things always falling apart here, I remember always feeling like something important was missing, like this wasn't right, like this wasn't it. I remember sitting on my couch crying to my mom about how my friends weren't enough, how this wasn't enough. Then I got to Delaware, and all those feelings disappeared. Everything I had been searching for, I found. Everything I saw in my head that I knew was right but probably sounded completely insane, was right there in Delaware waiting. I now LIVE the life I used to dream about. It's not perfect, but when I moved that huge whole inside of me that was created by always feeling like this wasn't right for me was filled. And that's all I ever think about while I'm here, how much that meant, how much those people hold my heart, and how I could never let it go. It was the best thing that ever happened to me and always will be. I gush to my old friends about my new friends. I know they don't care, and how could they when they don't know? But I know I've never talked about them in that way. It's just hard not to smile when I'm talking about the best people I've ever met.

This wasn't even where I wanted this entry to go, I wanted to keep up to date on my trip. Maybe I'll get to that later, but I guess it's just easier to type what comes out on it's own.

It's weird being here because while this is my home, it stopped really being home almost 3 years ago and it feels weird because I've never had the urge to look back. I know where my heart is.