The second hardest time of my life was brought on by the fact that I couldn't convince myself that I was good enough. Because I couldn't convince myself that I had something to offer. Because I couldn't get past my insecurities, jealousy, heartbreak. I couldn't step up, be the friend I could be, and say "Hey, this isn't what I wanted but you can't help it. I still love you and I'm going to do what I can to keep you in my life and be here the way it's meant to be." Because I over thought every little move, because I couldn't stand not to get my way, because I analyzed the entire situation and it consumed my thoughts. I got over it eventually, even if it did hurt like hell.
But this time around, the situation however similar, is also so much different. I never gave you my heart in the way I did in the previous story. I gave you my heart in a way that can't be given back. Because no matter that friendships end, you never want that little piece of heart back. It's never regretted. Every best friend that steps into your life had a purpose and a reason, no matter how short or long lived their stay was. So my heart is theirs, my heart is yours forever. You are attached to me like a limb, you're a part of who I am. I wouldn't want to go day by day without our friendship and because of this, this situation would turn out so much worse. I can't let myself drag it down with insecurities, I can't let myself feel anything other than happiness, I can't let myself analyze and whine over outcomes. I can't let myself destroy the things that mean the most because I'm not getting my way. And I can see it happening. The story unfolding is all too familiar, I can see the pages slowly turning in my thoughts..and I just want to rip the book to shreds. The thought of this turning out the way it did last time..it would break me to the point of no return. I got over it once after days, weeks, months past. I wouldn't be as lucky this time.
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