Most of my past, be it 2 years ago, 4 years ago, or 10 years ago..feels like an entire different life. I remember times from back then, but I can't connect with them like I used to be able to. But lately, I've realized there's part of my past that I haven't yet let go of. That I still talk and think about as if they're still current in my life. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, or if it doesn't even matter at all.
More than anything, I've come to realize that I still talk about Ashley as if she's still a huge part of my life. When in reality, I've seen her once for about 12 hours in the past two years. In those two years we'll go a few months at a time where we call each other and talk once in awhile..but most of the time she could be dead and I'd have no idea. I call her now, and she doesn't answer or return my phone calls. It makes me so fucking sad, because without realizing it before, she's still such a huge part of who I am. I find myself constantly imaging my life with her in it while I'm on long drives home by myself. I miss having that best friend feeling. I've had and have tons of "best friends" here, but it's rare when I feel so close to someone that they're my family and my equal. The only two people I've ever been that way with are Cecily and Ashley, and while Cecily was my best friend in the entire world, Ashley was my sister. Ashley was around a whole lot longer. I just wish she still was. And it's got me wondering if I'm going to be thinking about her for the rest of my life, or if she'll come back sometime.
As detached from my past as I feel the majority of the time, theres those little pieces that I can't seem to let go of.
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