a few more hours.

I used to be fun. I used to be someone people always wanted around. I used to be funny. I used to make everyone laugh. I used to feel full of life, now I'm empty. I used to find joy in little things, and it didn't take much. Now I can't remember the last time I felt like anything mattered. I used to love living. I used to be a person worth knowing.

In all honesty, I wish I was seven again. At least back then, life was so easy. Not to mention, I had a definite best friend and more importantly, I had a family. I had the family that I know, not this broken home I've been left with for the past three and a half years. I wonder, am I ever going to get over this? Or is this how I'm going feel, who I'm going to be, from here on out. I can't live with out feeling something more than this. I can't live with out love. I'm so sick of thinking these same thoughts, night after night. I'm so sick of feeling like there's not heart inside of me to do any loving at all. I want to feel normal again, I want to not feel like a mess that I don't have the ability to clean up.

This is not okay. It'll never be okay with out you, I don't want to fucking miss you anymore. I don't want to ignore my current life because I'm too busy looking at these pictures reaching for something that'll never be within my reach again. I'm sick of this missing and longing feeling being the only thing that's felt at all.

I have to stop staying up this late. No good ever comes of it.