dec 07

This is the first time I've listened to Algernon in a good 6 months not hating it. I hate missing 2008 when these bands were all our little secrets and those memories that I can't let go no matter how different things get.

002.

This is the first time I've come back to California since moving that I'm not miserable. But that feeling actually alarms me. Because nothing amazing has been happening here, nothing to make me NOT miss home. So why don't I want to go back right this minute?

I don't miss anything. I just miss Philadelphia. Delaware has my heart, but I think being back there has made me realize even more that my time to leave already came. It's be fine in small doses, it's just time for my next step. I took one but it wasn't the right one. Of course I miss Tyler and Zoe and Stace and Andrew..but that feeling is no different than what I was feeling there. Because I've only seen Zoe once since mid november and now, and I hadn't really seen anyone except at Blacklisted the day before I left, since I've been stuck in Middletown with no money.

I guess I just feel really detached.. and the changes going on around the people and places I call my life are just too much for me to handle or accept. I've been playing around with a bunch of options in my mind, but now more than ever I just need to be back in the city. Especially when I come back to a cold winter, I don't know if I'll make it otherwise. Hopefully I'll talk to Liz today about getting a place with her, Lauren, Ryan, and Serena.

001.

Today I bought Rogue States by Noam Chomsky, a book written kind of zine formatted, it's untitled and anonymous, and Choke by Chuck Palanuik for $5 because I've yet to read anything by him. I also picked up a some little free anarchist newspaper at the Wooden Shoe, and Stacy's letting me borrow Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger. I found Slaughterhouse Five (by Kurt Vonnegut) again finally because I missplaced it, so I can start over with that too.

If my mission of making California fun/enjoyable for once fails, at least I can take to sitting outside in the semi-decent (aka above 50 and not too cold to stand) weather and read until I come home.

I also needed some sort of smaller convenient duffle bag to take on tour, and I found one for 90 cents in a little thrift store in West Philly tonight. It says Jimbo on it. I guess today wasn't bad.


There is so much more to say, but I can't say anything because I'm stuck in this little bad mood and can't get out, no matter how much I want to. Why don't I have control over that? I also can't sleep, but that's nothing new.