dice

Three and a half months ago, on my second visit to your new town, as we climbed into the smaller bed you had then, I told you between shaking and holding back tears that I was just afraid of losing you. You told me that you didn't think that would ever happen.

I'm doing so much better and I keep saying that because it feels true and meaningful for the first time in as far back as I can remember.

But the only thing deterring me from being even more sure of that, is that for the first time since I fell asleep in your arms that night, I actually feel like it's happening. It feels so one sided, I'm reaching for you and you're not reaching back. You're still there, I can still look into your eyes and see you looking back, but your lack of interest, or lack of expressing any interest, in trying to save something we have that is so important, is pushing me so far away and I don't want to be in this limbo.

I keep telling you I just want everything to be normal and the same and I'm so willing to work for that but my words seem to go right through you and I don't know if there's anything I can do about that, but if there was I'd never stop trying. Why can't you do the same?