Dear Tesla,

Why do you have to have this stupid mentality? If these people are really your friends like they claim to be, they should want you around. Why do you assume they only tolerate you? Or if anything, you're a last resort. You have no reason to think the way you do. They've never shown you you weren't welcome, they've never pushed you away. So why can't you accept that maybe they ARE your friends and care about you? Why isn't that easy? I really think that that's supposed to be easy. I don't fucking understand why I feel this way. Or why I need any confirmation and reassurance, or so much of it. It's the same thing with any compliments, they're nice, but they go right in one ear and right out the other without being so much as absorbed. That is how I am with everything. I don't believe sincerity in anyones words. None. I need to have faith in people, but I don't. Not even in the people that I love the most, because I can't even convince myself that they like me. And if I believe it for a moment, I'm just waiting around until the feeling fades, or they get sick of me, or someone replaces me. I spend so much time worrying that I'm going to lose my light in their eyes, if there is any at all to begin with. If someone cares about you, that shouldn't just go away so easily. But I don't believe my own words. What is wrong with me?