CoP

All I keep thinking is "I found you". This is so different than anything before and all happened so easily.

Sascha feels like I'm abandoning him by leaving. I keep trying to explain that I'm leaving to do just the opposite. I'm leaving so that I can come back and not give up for the first time in my life when things aren't going exactly the way I'd like.

However in the past few days I have started to feel a little better again. Cam's leaving soon and I won't see him until I meet up with them in Philly and as much as I'm going to be a little lonely after spending most nights out of the past two weeks with him- I need that time apart to prepare. Get everything set up, finish unfinished projects and mentally get ready for the adventure, or whatever this summer is going to be.

I am apprehensive. I'm giving up the thought of a lot of other summer plans I wanted and have been looking forward to. But this is all working too easily and I think I'd regret if I passed up this opportunity.

I skipped work again today. I feel bad but I also feel like it was only a matter of time before I ran out of that momentum. My life doesn't consist of routine and it probably never will for long periods of time. I started walking there but it's cold and rainy and I justified it with the fact that I'm leaving soon and nothing will matter then, so I turned around and walked back home.

I'll be responsbility free and happy like I'm supposed to be so soon. Like I know how to be.
I can feel it starting to bubble up inside of me. It makes me nervous but I know once it bursts I'll remember everything.

august

I found you, and now you're leaving for the summer.
I want to be surprised and feel like this is unfair, but in the end I think I already knew.

I woke up to holding a hand and a kiss goodbye. I can't resist you but I'm not letting myself feel this knowing it's going to be gone so soon.

I'll wait for you, but please come soon.
Two months too long.

bp

Traveling is the one thing that's always felt like it was right for me. I live for, bask in, and long for that feeling.

To Maine.