fuck

I believe now more than ever that I should always follow my gut instincts. Just in the way that I trust my judgement in friendships, I should trust myself when I think something will probably be a bad idea. But it's the fear of holding myself back versus missing out on something great. I want to be able to just let things flow the way they should, not feel like I need to control them, and just let them live their selves out. But maybe I get these gut feelings for a reason, maybe I shouldn't just "see how things go" because if I feel a certain way, maybe it's for a reason. All I know is that I told myself not to get these feelings for him, I told myself not to like him until I was sure it was going to go somewhere, I told myself not to get attached. But I decided to say fuck you to those instincts and just go along with things..well look where it got me, exactly where I didn't want to me. He just dropped me and moved on to somebody else. I was completely lead on. And even though the feelings could be a lot stronger, this still just really sucks. I love my boys more than anything, I never want to talk to anyone other one outside of them again. I never want to like anyone ever again.