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real talk: its a really weird experience listening to the albums that kept you from killing yourself at 14.
it's also really weird to put something sharp to your skin for the first time since then just to see what it felt like to that former version of yourself.

169

I don't know what I am doing here and I don't know why I have all of these ideas of doing things alone.
My friends have always been the biggest part of my life and the most important, and I am making a massive mistake by not being with them.  

nov

I know better than to ever think I am the type of person who could be the different one, the one it is different with, the one to make a difference.

I believe in some scenarios, those people exist. But I think those type of people are very few and very far between.

I am wrong to ever pretend I will ever be one of them, and based on past experience I can't believe I have ever let myself be dragged back into the "what ifs".